Character Studies #9 - Eli

“Eli - Good Man, Lousy Father”

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1 Samuel 1

—Eli, the priest— 

INTRODUCTION:

“Father” – What does it mean?

·       In this day of radical feminism, it has come to mean very little.

·       “Who is he?” “Oh, he’s just the father.”

·       The word “father” is usually thought of as a NOUN, a word which describes a person, place, or thing.

·       HOWEVER, “father” is also a VERB, a word of action. “To father…” means to beget, to give life, but it also means to bring up, to rear, to be an active participant in parenting, to protect, provide, teach, nurture, and encourage in a fatherly way. 

God designed the family structure so that children would have two (2) parents, a mother, and a father. Neither one can take the place of the other. Both are important, notwithstanding the popular psychological drivel of our day. (cf. 2 Thess. 2:7 vs 2:11) 

TRANSITION:

Now I want to introduce you to a father in the Old Testament by the name of Eli. We meet him in 1 Samuel, chapter 1. He has the dubious distinction of being one of the worst parents in the Bible. 

You are probably asking, “But what did Eli do that was so bad? Surely, he was no worse than many other men!” Before I try and answer that, let’s look at some verses to give us some needed background: 

NOTES on the Text:

1 Samuel 1:3 – Now this man [Elkanah, Samuel’s father] would go up from his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of armies in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests to the Lord there. 

1 Samuel 2:11-17 – Then Elkanah went to his home at Ramah. But the boy [Samuel] continued to attend to the service of the Lord before Eli the priest. ¹² Now the sons of Eli were useless men; they did not know the Lord. ¹³ And this was the custom of the priests with the people: when anyone was offering a sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come while the meat was cooking, with a three-pronged fork in his hand. ¹⁴ And he would thrust it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; everything that the fork brought up, the priest would take for himself. They did so in Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. ¹⁵ Also, before they burned the fat, the priest’s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, “Give the priest meat for roasting, as he will not take cooked meat from you, only raw.” ¹⁶ And if the man said to him, “They must burn the fat first, then take as much as you desire,” then he would say, “No, but you must give it to me now; and if not, I am taking it by force!” ¹⁷ And so the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord, for the men treated the offering of the Lord disrespectfully.

1 Samuel 2:22-34 – Now Eli was very old; and he heard about everything that his sons were doing to all Israel, and that they slept with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting. ²³ So he said to them, “Why are you doing such things as these, the evil things that I hear from all these people? ²⁴ No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the Lord’s people circulating. ²⁵ If one person sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a person sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death. ²⁶ Now the boy Samuel was continuing to grow and to be in favor both with the Lord and with people. ²⁷ Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Did I not indeed reveal Myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh’s house? ²⁸ Did I not choose them from all the tribes of Israel to be My priests, to go up to My altar, to burn incense, to carry an ephod before Me? And did I not give to the house of your father all the fire offerings of the sons of Israel? ²⁹ Why are you showing contempt for My sacrifice and My offering which I have commanded for My dwelling, and why are you honoring your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?’ ³⁰ Therefore the Lord God of Israel declares, ‘I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father was to walk before Me forever’; but now the Lord declares, ‘Far be it from Me—for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be insignificant. ³¹ Behold, the days are coming when I will eliminate your strength and the strength of your father’s house, so that there will not be an old man in your house. ³² And you will look at the distress of My dwelling, despite all the good that I do for Israel; and there will never be an old man in your house. ³³ Yet I will not cut off every man of yours from My altar, so that your eyes will fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. ³⁴ And this will be the sign to you which will come regarding your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas: on the same day both of them will die. 

1 Samuel 3:11-14, 18 – Then the Lord said to Samuel, “Behold, I am going to do a thing in Israel, and both ears of everyone who hears about it will ring. ¹² On that day I will carry out against Eli everything that I have spoken regarding his house, from beginning to end. ¹³ For I have told him that I am going to judge his house forever for the wrongdoing that he knew, because his sons were bringing a curse on themselves, and he did not rebuke them. ¹⁴ Therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the wrongdoing of Eli’s house shall never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.” … ¹⁸ So Samuel told him [Eli] everything and hid nothing from him. And he said, “He is the Lord; let Him do what seems good to Him.” 

So, now we are back to that question again: “What did Eli do that was so bad?” 

1.    Eli allowed his family’s interests to outweigh the claims of God. He could not bring himself to allow his sons to be disgraced and degraded by being expelled from the priesthood. Instead, he allowed God’s holy name and the holy Sanctuary to be defamed and disgraced by their continued involvement. He made God’s honor his second (2^nd) priority.

2.    Although his sons’ behavior was outrageous and wicked, Eli was not moved to righteous indignation and took no steps to rid the Tabernacle of men so utterly unworthy. Oh, he spoke against their sin privately, but did not act against it in any way, shape, or form.

3.    It is true that at that time he was already very old and there may not have been much he could still do as a father. However, as the high priest he did have great authority. Moreover, God judged him for not stepping in much earlier, while there was still time to change their attitude and behavior. God held Eli accountable for his poor parenting and for not teaching his sons “the fear of the LORD.”

4.    As we look at Eli, we wonder how a godly man like him could have such wicked children. But it does happen sometimes. For example, we learn that Samuel’s own two sons also went away from the LORD (cf. 1 Sam. 8:1-5). The tragedy of Eli is that his fathering was always too little, too late. He was a good man, a good priest, but a lousy father, and God held him accountable for it. THAT IS FRIGHTENING!

Ø  Eli would lament and threaten without ever carrying through on the threat, never punishing the offense.

Ø  His habitual indulgence took its toll on his sons until all fear of sinning and its consequences finally left them, and they coolly calculated that the grossest wickedness would meet with nothing worse than a whining reproof from ol’ Dad.

5.    Eli ignored the principles clearly set forth in God’s Holy Word, many of which he must have known:

Ø  Genesis 18:19

Ø  Deut. 4:9 = Live the life and teach it to your children and grandchildren

Ø  Deut. 6:7-9, 20-25

Ø  Deut. 7:3 = Do not give your children to marry unbelievers

Ø  Deut. 11:18-21

Ø  Deut. 32:46-47

Ø  Psalm 78:1-4; 103:13

Ø  Prov. 3:12

Ø  Prov. 13:24

Ø  Prov. 17:6

Ø  Prov. 19:13, 18

Ø  Prov. 22:6, 15

Ø  Prov. 23:13-14

Ø  Prov. 29:15, 17

6.    The New Testament gives us some additional insights into biblical fathering:

Ø  Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [i.e., frustrated rage] but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the “Lord” [i.e., with God-style discipline and instruction, not human style].

Ø  Colossians 3:21 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart” [i.e., picky, perfectionist, critical, harsh, uncompromising, free with unwanted advice, disciplining them in anger, etc.].

Ø  1 Thessalonians 2:11 – “…we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children.”

Ø  Hebrews 12:5-11 - And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, ⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.” ⁷ Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? ⁸ If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. ⁹ Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! ¹⁰ They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in His holiness. ¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. 

TRUTHS GLEANED FROM ELI’S LIFE:

1.    How a man raises his children reveals how he feels about God.

2.    Fathers will be held accountable before God for their parenting, or lack of it.

3.    You can be a “deadbeat-dad” and still live at home!

4.    There are pitfalls in both directions: too permissive vs too strict; not restraining at all vs being a mean tyrant.

5.    Biblical “discipline” is much more than punishment. Punishment alone (especially when carried out in anger) wounds the spirit but does not soften the will and it does not humble the heart. Punishment always needs the two added aspects of affirmation and correction. Affirmation tells the child: “It doesn’t matter what you do, I will always still love you!” and correction teaches the child where he/she went wrong and how to avoid the problem in the future, providing them with the skills to succeed.

6.    Fathering needs to be proactive rather than reactive. A good father concentrates on building good things into his children’s lives rather than merely reacting to their failures.

7.    Even if you “missed out” and “messed up” during the golden years with your children, a man is never too old to change and become a good father and grandfather, even if you have blown it in the past. Disaster may yet be averted if you do what you need to do. Maybe today is your wake-up call like when the prophet came to Eli to warn him.

Ø  Take a stand for what is right.

Ø  Be an example of godliness.

Ø  Ask for forgiveness from your children.

Ø  Admit your errors. Don’t make excuses.

Ø  Plead for God’s mercy on your kids. Pray for them every day.

Ø  Tell them often that you love them.

Ø  Invest time in them, and in their children. 

CONCLUSION:

I want to end today’s study with some random thoughts about how to be a good father. I wish I could honestly say that I have faithfully practiced all 40 of these things, but I would be lying. But if I had it to do all over again, these are the things I would do better. I share them with you in the hope that they will be a help to you, so that you never have to live with the regrets of wishing you had been a better dad. 

1.    Pray with your children at bedtime.

2.    Pray for your children every day.

3.    Have your own daily personal devotions as an example to them.

4.    Lead family devotions with your wife and children often.

5.    Teach sex education at home to your sons and daughters.

6.    Take (not send) your family to church and Sunday school with you.

7.    Be involved with your children’s friends – welcome them to come to your house.

8.    Know where your kids are and with whom.

9.    Set reasonable boundaries and limits, and stick to them.

10. Know who your kid is dating – lay down ground rules.

11. Get involved in their school activities. Be a chaperone on their field trips.

12. Go to their events. Shout, yell, and show that you are a proud dad. Be there!

13. Brag on them a lot, in their presence.

14. Go out on dates with them alone, where you can talk about what they want to discuss.

15. Model honesty, even in little things.

16. Apologize to your kids when you are wrong. They already know anyway!

17. Do not use sarcasm. They will not get it until it is too late.

18. Use positive correction, not negative criticism.

19. Let good enough, be good enough.

20. Do not expect perfection from your kids. Remember, you aren’t perfect either.

21. Speak well of people behind their backs, and your kids will do it too.

22. Love their mother in front of them. Kiss and hug your wife where the kids can see you.

23. Write them positive notes and letters. Stick them in their lunchbox or backpack.

24. Occasionally give them money for no reason other than love.

25. Go out together for ice cream, often!

26. Do what they want on vacation, for a change.

27. Tell them about your own fears and weaknesses. Do not be afraid to show that you have not “made it” yet either.

28. Do not be a teacher all the time. Lighten up! Let them teach you something.

29. Balance criticism with praise. Either one of these taken to the extreme will spoil kids.

30. Speak of a positive future for your children. Give them something to live up to and dream about.

31. Listen to your kids, even to the stupid stuff.

32. Hug them lots, especially when they come and go and at bedtime.

33. Read to them, at bedtime and at other times.

34. Turn off the TV and play games instead. Let them choose the game.

35. Never administer discipline while you are still angry. Get yourself under control before you start in on them. Remember, you are the adult, so act like it!

36. Let them know often that you accept them just as they are. Do not always be trying to fix them.

37. Teach your children about the natural and logical consequences of their choices and actions.

38. Hug and kiss your daughters when they are teenagers too. They still need it.

39. Do not try to snow your kids. They have BS meters and X-ray vision!

40. Accept their anger at you. It goes with the job. Don’t wimp out.